cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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