As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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