Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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