Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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