I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
