after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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