I hate your face
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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