He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
