I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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