The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
