I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
