guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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