If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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