I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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