If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
the liver wants what the liver wants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
