did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
