I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
