i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
