i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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