You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
