I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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