After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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