Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
