Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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