Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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