Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
