I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
