no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have already put on my inside pants.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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