someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
