At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
