She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
