it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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