Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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