Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
