On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
