It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
