she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
