I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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