2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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