I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
