Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
