I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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