considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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