sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
