Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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