Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's always time for handjobs
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
