Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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