just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
