No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize