i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
