And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
