Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
