I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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