i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
operation have a gay friend backfired
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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