If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
