Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I could teleport
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
