I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
another moral hangover. fuck.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
