Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
