yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's never too late to be topless.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
