Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
