he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
