dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
