UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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