I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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