Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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