I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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