He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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