I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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