i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
