The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
