The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
